You know how it seems that travels always involve some kind of romance? As brief as a wait on a platform, as exotic as an island or unexpected as a meeting due to chance only.
Well I have never experience any of that. I do remember this dark haired man in Postdam, or this malaysian guy studying in Bath in my youth hostel in Prague and this handsome man on a boat in Venice, but they were in no way romances, just beautiful people that sparked my interest for a few minutes, being a part of the beautiful scenery I was in.
Yet I had one experience, that involves love and travel.
It wasn't brief, for I had/ have loved this man for years, 4years as I speak today.
It was exotic, as much as Japan can be.
It wasn't unexpected, it was more like a miracle. Something you don't even dare dreaming of.
I have never shared this story online.
For some reasons, a few details will be kept quiet, but I haven't forgotten about them at all.
This remains, even today, the most beautiful and happiest moment of my life, though it comes with a lot of sadness. Impossible loves always do.
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| Handsome italian stranger. |
Our room was ridiculously small. And humid. The bathroom was even smaller and even more humid. While sitting on the toilets my knees would touch the sink and I could turn on the bathtub tap by just stretching my arm. It was my first day in Japan, Tokyo and despite the joy and amazment of finally being here I couldn't really cope with the humidity. My hair, naturally curly wouldn't obey to anything, and my straightening iron had decided to not function, despite the adaptor.
We had spent the day walking around, had had a picnic in Ueno park and had been to Takeshita street, my head was full of images and colored lights, my legs slightly painful. We hadn't yet realized how big Tokyo was, and in good parisians people, just wanted to walk as much as possible.
I was about to sit on the bed when my phone beeped.
As I read the text that had just come my heart suddenly started beating beyond fast and my legs already weak, almost gave out.
-Yolaine?
My friend was sitting on the bed, checking twitter on her phone or maybe her pictures, this I cannot remember properly. Words were easy to find, but I found them incredibly difficult to say, they just didn't seem to make any sense. She glanced at me, probably alarmed by the strange tone of my voice.
- What's wrong?
I looked at her, my mouth so dry that I couldn't speak anymore and handed the phone over to her. As she read the text a surprised and incredulous look came on her face.
" you're in tokyo right now? if you want we can meet up tonight. why not?"
Never such simple words had sounded this mysterious and difficult to comprehend.
- What am I supposed to answer?
I wasn't prepared for this. Yes, we had been talking for over a year now, almost two. Yes I couldn't hope for more. Yes I did love him, and yes I was going to go. But I couldn't believe this was happening. All in me was screaming and being open mouthed at the same time.
A solid determination seemed to take control on me, silently, as the anxiety became loud and noisy. I remember saying absurd things, cracking my knuckles, forcing myself to breathe deeply, asking more useless questions since I already knew, that yes, I wanted to go. I was dying to go. My split being suddenly became one again , only to realise that I wasn't ready for a date at all.
I was 20 and had never been on a date, but I quickly drew the conclusion that crazy hair and a tired face were not date appropriate. My determined self in charge of most things from this moment on, I found the strengh to type a positive answer, and was told to be at 10pm at the rendezvous spot. While freaking out self kept blabbering non sense, determined self headed to Akihabara, Yolaine following me as incredulous as ever, to buy a new straightening iron. I was almost running in the streets. Once back into the humid room, I tried to shut down my brain and attempted, more or less successfully to get ready. To this day I can even recall which underwears I was wearing.
Finally it was time to leave.
Sitting in the metro, I stared at people wondering where they were going. They looked normal, it was a casual, ordinary night and it seemed crazy to be sitting in this banal wagon heading to this extraordinary destination. Breathing into my scarf I tried to resist the tears and mixed feelings that were building up inside of me. Soon I was at the final destination. Or so I thought.
As I walked out of the metro I got another text, telling me to get to S. slightly outside of Tokyo. Like a robot, I went back and asked for directions to two young men, who told me to follow them. It was already late, I was going alone to the suburbs of Tokyo, but not once did the thought scare me. All I could think of was him. I inserted the yens in the machine and waited in vain for a ticket to come out until the man working there told me I didn't need any, I just had to pay. I hopped into a yellow train and 10 minutes later, I was finally there.
By that time it was really dark outside and the place was empty of people. I had no idea where I was, nor how I could get back to my hostel. I didn't know where to go else, nor what to expect. I started thinking of my parents, how they would get mad if they knew what I was up to ; Are you insane? You're going to meet someone you've never met before who is twice as old as you? And you're alone? And you don't even know where you are? Did you tell anyone where you were going? Do you ...
but my phone beeped.
" turn on your left, there is a road, go straight and then left."
" there will be a police office, just wait there, a white car will pick you up."
I thought that a gaijin( foreigner), alone, at this hour in this place probably looked a bit suspect or unusual and hoped for the police men to just ignore me. They kept looking at me and I started to get a bit uncomfortable, when the car eventually arrived. A driver got out, opened the door for me and I sat cautiously in a dark, huge car, that smelled just like him. I kept my eyes on the big screen in front of me, and tried to calm down. As I was trying to slow down the flow of thoughts in my head the car stopped.
Shouldn't it stop horizontally if we're still in the street?
The door opened and I understood that the car wasn't parked horizontally but inclined because we weren't outside. We were at his place.
As I went out of the car with tinted windows, I turned my head to the left and my eyes landed on him, sitting on a sofa, all dressed in gray. The lights were almost off, apart from blue dots on the floor and once I opened the glass door to come in I heard the sound of waves and could smell his scent, even stronger than in the car. I couldn't feel anything anymore, nor the ground beneath my feet, nor my heart beating, the anxiety was all gone, and I made my way to him almost floating. I sat next to him on the sofa, smiled and when he did too, I felt a wave of love and peace overcoming me.
- It's nice to finally meet you.
His voice, only aiming at me this time, felt like the softest touch ever.
And never such common words had ever been so true.
~
Obviously, this doesn't stop here. But this post is already long enough and I'm not sure whether you guys are interested in reading the rest of the story or not. If yes, let me know. It does feel strange sharing that like that here. But it is such a big and beautiful part of my life, I wanted to write it down. And share it with you. 'Cause that's what this blog is about right?
x
