Here are more of my 365 little thoughts.
I hope you enjoy, and let me know what's on your mind as well guys:)
Just as a little tease ;), here are also some instagram pictures of Berlin, which was my destination the last week end.
Future is one of the scariest thing ever, if not the scariest thing. It's far away and yet, every breath you take shapes it.
Today was day to say bye to our christmas tree. It was our first own christmas tree, my first one as a livingaloneperson, well alone including my sister, but you get the idea. While taking down the tree ornaments I realized I had now a 'CHRISTMAS' box. As ridiculous as it may seem I felt so moved and tears came to my eyes. I surely looked ridiculous standing like a fool with a red tinsel in my hands. For some reason this box full or ornaments and memories made me realize how much I feel at home here in Paris, in this little flat. Today was a bad day but this simple realization warmed my heart up. I was feeling pretty rubbish and lame, let's say it, completely shitty, and I got surprised to see my own smile in the reflection of the window. That may be utterly insignificant but there's something I'm so happy about. That I managed to recreate a cosy place, where everyone feels at home. A little house that is somehow alive.
There's nothing worse than doubting when it involves someone else's life and happiness. I don't like responsabilities, I am not good with duties, choices and consequences. I hate the word consequences, btw.
Sometimes, at night, I think of you and what could have happened if few things had been different. Sometimes when I wake up, I wonder what it would have been like to wake up to your face, or to know that today wouldn't be a day without you. I always wonder why you're not here.
Working on making the small things the biggest ones. That's one of my daily tasks. I think I'll find true happiness the day it becomes natural.
I decided this year I wouldn’t hurt myself, nor blame me for things that aren’t worth the pain. So I’m not going to apologize nor feel upset about the days I haven’t written about. Let’s say I’m trying to get better slowly but surely. Today the sky is gray, I sure haven’t lost a pound and I’m not feeling any prettier or more loved. I don’t feel more intelligent nor do I have any reason to feel utterly optimistic, but I however do. Where there is a will there’s a way . I have wanted to get this tattooed for more than a year, and I’m starting to think this may be the right time to get it. I’m focusing on myself, I’m giving myself some time. Because, more than anything, and even more than you, this is probably what I need the most right now.
I often wonder if many people are lucky enough to see the world as I see it. On my way to my friend’s place, on the bus ride, I was looking through the window, my eyes wandering in the animated Saturday afternoon streets. The sun was warm and the man next to me was laughing about something I’ll never know on his phone, with someone I’ll never meet either. Probably. And this very moment was so beautiful and good. I could see the love and the importance of every single person I secretely encountered, without them even noticing it, during this ride. I could feel them, as clearly as I was feeling the sun on my face, even through the plastic glass.