samedi 24 décembre 2011

Thank you.

Christmas is just around the corner, one night away. Surprizingly enough, it seems that this year Christmas won't be as depressing as it was past years. Maybe because it really doesn't feel like Christmas. 
My mother hasn't made anything, we have no tree, no decoration& no Christmas dinner. Instead we are going to eat at a chinese restaurant. I'll have no gift, only money to help me funding all my 2012  travels.
My dad has decorated his house though, however the sun is shinning bright and too cool for Christmas time.

To think of it, my life has been like this for more or less 2years now. If something is not giving you joy, just throw it away. Life's too short to burden oneself with anything. Therefore, as long as I won't be able to celebrate Christmas like I want to, I'd rather not celebrate it at all.

I don't know if this is because of my biological clock or not, but I don't feel like I can truly celebrate Christmas without my own 'family'. Christmas just reminds me how lonely I am, and if it wasn't for my friends, it'd be absolutely depressing. 
The last year has given my a lot of joy and happinness. I don't know how to put this quite decently, but Love may be the key of everything after all. Loving someone makes you aware of so many things, it's actually scary. How time flies by, how precious are very small things, how worried you can be at the smallest problem..
I'm not expecting anything for my Christmas really, because all of my wishes are for someone else to have a wonderful time. 
If I had to sum up 2011, I'd say it was about Love, Joy, Fate& Gratefulness.
How incredible is it to think someone taught me all of these? Somehow I feel complete now, and it's such a relief. What's funny is that most people, if they knew about my situation would feel sorry for me I guess, or at least wish for it to never happen to them. Even my friends are kind of worried for me.
But I feel happy. True love is not about being loved back, or even acknowledged. It's a plus, yes. It's then magical. However, when you love someone with all your heart this love is already a chance, and it's wonderful.
So thank you for being alive, for being who you are and giving my a chance to feel all that I've been feeling for more than a year now. Thank you for being such an inspiration, a great man and helping me through everyday.

For the first time in a very long time, maybe for the first time ever, I don't have any regrets or however little.
It must be because I allowed the real me to do whatever I wanted to. 
And this is all I wish for everyone. Just let everything shine, without fear or shame. 

You guys have been an incredible light in my life, wonderful friends and I don't think I can thank you enough. YouTube is and will always be such a beautiful thing to me. How complete strangers can take time to watch videos, be kind enough to post comments and always be here to help or comfort another stranger is amazing. You certainly are one of the reasons for me feeling complete, and for that, thank you a billion times.     I am sorry that I didn't post many videos in 2011, and I promise I'll do my best in 2012. Maybe next year, we'll be 10 00
I wish I could hug every single one of you. Thank you for sticking by me and I'll see you in 2012. 
I have many expectations for 2012, and I'll work hard to fulfill all of them. Do your best as well!

2 commentaires:

  1. your are such an inspiration and I'm so happy I have found your blog. i have been through a lot this year and your words encourage be to be stronger and be happy no matter what:)

  2. I've been sad this whole day and maybe I will be the same every years ... and I'm just like you, friends tried to invite me into their families, but I've refused, because it's not my own "family", and for me, it's not what I want ...


    Youtube's world should be the real world, strangers who help other people like if they knew each others, don't you think ? :)