lundi 2 juillet 2012

Teenage Dream.

Separations are the saddest thing ever. I just hate having to say goodbye. Babysitting these three little girls taught me more about myself&life than I ever thought it would. I just didn't know you could love children like that, when they were not even related to you in any way. The way the used to tell me 'Emeline I love you', Emeline you're pretty, Emeline I missed you, play this game with me... is one of my happiest memories. I miss them so much, it's actually really heartbreaking. I am going to miss them so much.  And today is my first monday of not babysitting them. It was a sad day. I just hope I can keep in touch with them even a tiny bit, I hope they'll become amazing women, just like the amazing little girls that they already are. I wish them the best in life,and I hope that they will always remember me even a little.

The sky makes me feel good. We're all under the same blue gigantic roof, this amazing and tender entity, that sees every single day of ours. It also sees the ones of my beloved ones, the ones of those who are lonely. Under this sky people laugh&cry, people love&are in pain. It makes me less lonely when I look up and see this blue, that never flows. This blue that says, no regrets just Love. It's up to you to make beautiful memories of everything. You know, my heart belongs to someone, who isn't even aware of that, my heart belongs to someone I don't want to be with. I'm stuck in this impossible, unrequited love.But I feel free, I feel grateful. I shall write another entry, or maybe even do a video about that, because I feel like my experience could be helpful to a few.

Apricot smoothie. deliciouus:)

kimchi rice. One of the best comfort foods.

7 commentaires:

  1. You're captive of your own heart but your head isn't. Interesting...

  2. I can relate to this post so much! I am an american student living in Paris and this was my last week with my little girl I babysat and tutored, I am so sad about having to say bye. Elle m'a dit "Shihan (moi) si tu plait reste avec moi, i love you beaucoup", c'etait vraiment un knife to the heart! Anyways I wanted to thank you for your posts, I'm going through a difficult time and they really make me feel less alone.
    S :) (@shihanfe)

  3. OMG ! I am so happy I found your blog !!! I can already tell I am going to come here frequently to read your posts ! Je t'ai croisée sur youtube dans la vidéo "Les Français ne sont pas tous romantiques" et j'étais tellement contente de voir une vidéo dans laquelle une fille exprimait mon malaise par rapport aux gros pervers que l'on se coltine dans les lieux publics en France ! C'est ca-tas-tro-phique ! Je sais que cette vidéo est ancienne mais elle toujours d'actualité malheureusement. Moi aussi j'ai rencontré le même genre de pervers et je trouve que sans trop généraliser on en a vraiment beaucoup en France et que beaucoup de mecs en France sont plutôt sexistes, et pas romantiques. Le cliché sur Paris, ville romantique tient aux décors et monuments parisiens je pense mais le beauf parisien moyen est horrible ! Je suis moi-même souriante et ils ne sont pas contents du tout quand je les envoie sur les roses brutalement parce que je ne supporte pas qu'un inconnu vulgaire se permette de me faire des avances lourdes en pensant que ça va en plu sme faire plaisir ! Quelle bande de weirdos... les pauvres touristes doivent tomber de haut !

    Anyway, cette vidéo véridique m'a permis de faire ta connaissance et c'est tellement cool de tomber sur une blogueuse qui a des choses intéressantes à dure prends des jolies photos et parle plusieurs langues ! Après avoir effectué mon érasmus en Ecosse je parle moi aussi couramment Anglais, et j'adorerais apprendre le Japonais ! Mais l'année prochaine les études vont être dures donc je ne suis pas sûre de réussir à y consacre suffisamment de temps pour accomplir quelque chose. En plus je suis en train de m'assurer que mon Espagnol résiste ! Parce que je me rends compte que beaucou^p de mots anglais viennent quand je parle Espagnol :S

    En tout cas je suis contente de t'avoir trouvée ! Je vais devenir une fidèle haha :) en plus je vois que tu aimes la nourriture japonaise alors évidemment pour moi pas de soucis tu es une bonne personne haha ! J'adore la rue Saint-Anne à Paris pour l'okonomiyaki ! En tout cas ton exemple est très inspirant concernant les langues étrangères ! Ca c'est aussi casser un stéréotype : tous les Français ne sont pas nulle en langues (ou alors c'est juste les FrançaiSES qui sont trop fortes? ^^). Connais-tu de bons manuels ou sites internets, as-tu des conseils pour l'apprentissage du Japonais ? Ca me ferait plaisir !



  4. Oh et aussi je voulais te dire que tu écris très bien et que ton optimisme m'a aussi fais du bien... j'espère que la personne de ton coeur t'ouvrira le sien un jour.


  5. Hello! My name is India and I am am American who is about to stufy French! I am so excited to learn the language and eventually study abroad. I am just wondering if there are any tips you can provide to me to speak the language fluently and to also be multilingual like you are?

    Thank you!

  6. I must say I had a total crush on your deep eyes where i would like to dive !
    I love your truth about french males you are really right
    I wish to get in touch with you because you are rare <3

  7. Bonjour,

    I don't know you and you don't know me but I stumbled upon your videos today. Pretty face aside, you have a deep soul. A restless spirit, and a sadness that is neither destitute or hopeless and I HOPE AND PRAY YOU NEVER WILL BE. Don't despair that life isn't 'something big' or that it must give you that perfect something. Perfect feelings and things are only temporary, for the moment and somewhat fleeting. It's OK to wake up 30 or 40 years old and recognize maybe the reality of some things. And still be happy or content with yourself.

    You struggle with depression thoughts, I can see that and I see you fighting hard to be happy. Try to relax, breath, meditate and know that the grass isn't greener here or's just life. You see Japan and something about it appeals to your inner identity and helps you to feel then let nothing stop you in persuing that journey - if the feelings you get from its culture/place brings you more contentment or peace. All of us can feel the call of one place over another or maybe, many places throughout our lifetimes.

    You have written about feeling sad as a child, feeling lonely and empty. You've also said when you are with your parents and siblings you act differently ~ silly and when with friends, more subdued. You've written of feeling disconnected from people and let down by the people you've considered friends. I have to ask you, have you ever heard of Avoidant Personality? Avoidant Personality is a type of personality characterized as 'disordered' but in my opinion it is not a disorder, but rather a coping mechanism learned at an early age. People with AvPD tend to detach and disconnect from others while simultaneously trying to reach out to them. There is a duality about the way people with this behavior approach life and relationships. Avoidant behavior is about not being left to feel vulnerable yet feeling vulnerable constantly. If you want more information about it, let me know.

    Last, I want to say, I saw your vid about french men not being romantic and what struck me is that you did not seem to be able to "disengage" yourself from these invaders because you felt the need to engage them on some level. Perhaps a part of you seeks acceptance and through 'being open' with them your boundaries in this regard are compromised. Please be careful. It isn't funny or to be taken lightly that any man should make advances towards you. These are predator types and look for people/women they can pressure. IN a sense, if you don't use strong boundaries, you can become a victim who may not be able to extricate herself when the time comes.

    Me? I'm a soon to be 50 year old woman. I see a lot of myself in you, when I was your age. Not everything in my life turned out but it is still pretty good. One thing I can tell you...don't hate your body. When we do this, we disconnect from ourselves and judge ourselves harshly. You are pretty and womanly and gifted and have seen and felt life in a way that others your age maybe haven't. You expect to taste life abundantly on one hand and on the are grasping barely treading water - trying to breath, trying to stay afloat emotionally. Please, it's will handle life and all of the ups and downs of your heart. God knows you and hasn't left you bereft. There is light in the darkness and you are not alone.

    ((Hugs)) to you sweet young woman. From an older (also sweet) woman who believes in you.
    If you need to make contact - I don't have a video channel or anything but you can
    write me at it is a silly sounding address, I know.