If this feeling dies, nothing will be able to appear in this heart again.

Hey hello there! I hope you haven't forgotten about me. I have no idea why and how I stayed away from the internet for so long. It's summer here, but halas we only have like one sunny day a week. It's lame right? Summer's about sun, heat,birds, flowers,friends and beautiful and warm evenings.
Not about rain, dear weather, please note this.
However I've been trying to make the most of everydays, I've been to the countryside, to visit my family. I'm seeing my friends all the time, playing badminton, having good times&eating good food.
I have planned my 'summer trip' with my dearest friend, whom you probably know because she's always with me, Yolaine. We're going to Italy, finally for the first time. We both have italian roots, both love the country and both need to breathe new fresh air.
Lately I've been thinking about last summer a lot. It's incredible how much I have changed in only a year. And this hurts to realize this, as much as it's a relief. It's magical to look at yourself, and see how much you transform, evolve, yet can still not give up on anything you believe in.
I'm not giving up, I'm just accepting to let go, and accepting that things are definitely not to last forever.
I feel free now, could I say so free that it's making me dizzy? It's scary, yes it is. For the last two years, I've been waking up, going to bed, eating, walking, laughing, traveling[...] always thinking of the same person, the same thing always going on&on in my head. And suddenly it disappeared. Not disappeared completely, memories are here, feelings are still here, but it's like they've fallen asleep suddenly.
I call them, and their replies are so weak. So soft and painless.
And it's a relief, it's like I'm suddenly discharged of a huge weight. But it's completely scary, it's like standing on the edge, looking down,down.
But you know what? It's fine, it's completely fine, because life's beautiful, because everyday you should wake up and feel grateful. Say thanks, for this new day that you could have never seen.
Life's not serious in the end. It's a bonus and I'm definitely not going to obsess myself over feelings I can't control, and that for now, can't lead me to something good.
You know how sometimes in life, you love someone, with a real&tender love, but at the same time you know you have no desire to be in a relationship with them?
It's a bit weird, it's 'preventing' you from being in a relationship with anyone, because the love you feel cannot be erased, but cannot take place in reality.
I love someone, have no desire to be with that person, and no desire to change my situation.
I am happy, grateful and am so impatient to see what I can learn more about happiness and life.
This trip to Italy is going to be one of the kind. I'm so looking forward to it !

Let me know if you have any plans for this summer?:)