Les feuilles mortes se ramassent à la pelle, et les souvenirs aussi.

I love autumn so much. Lately I've been waiting for summer every year with lots of impatience&exitement, but   it feels just good now to be back in autumn, with beautiful leaves, the cold yet sweet blue sky and the early night that makes you feel so comfy& at peace in your bed. I just love walking in parks, or wandering in Paris, even if this time of the year reminisces many memories. But memories are things to cherish even if they can be painful times to times. It's already been 4months, since I travelled through Europe following YFC&Gackt. There isn't a single day I don't have a wave of memories coming back to me. I'm so grateful for them doing music and sharing it, I'm grateful for the memories I have and this experience I lived.
You know sometimes you feel pain, and you just think it's so unfair that you feel this way. I'm not guru, but I sincerely believe that there's a simple way of turning everything around so that it's joy and not pain anymore. Just like unrequited love. Don't be sad for this person not loving you, but feel grateful for her/he giving you the chance to feel love. And let this love grow up, it will bloom and glow through you, with the most beautiful light.

Fly? It's easy...you think of a wonderful thought Any happy little thought? There it is Wendy, the second star to the right and straight on till morning !

Lady's Fingers.

Hi everyone ~

I had a malaysian friend whose mother always cooked delicious dishes, and she once introduced me to this vegetable : okras, gombos, lady's fingers, you name it.
I cannot unfortunately remember exactly how she cooked them, but I found some of these at a japanase supermarket (スーパー) and couldn't resist to try to cook them.
This recipe is kind of indian inspired, whereas the one I had the first time was more african if I remember well.

However, this was so easy to do( I was a bit afraid because okras can have a bit of a weird consistency but fortunately not this time) and  absolutely delicious. So good I ate it all at once( luckily it's only vegetables so it's not too bad for the "diet").

For this you'll need :

- 1/4 of red& yellow peper. 

- garlic& an half onion

- okras

- salt/black peper/ chili/ curry.

For the instructions&steps you can watch the videos :)

"To be born, die, again be reborn, and so progress unceasingly, such is the law"

Allan Kardec

I often get messages about religion, many asking me what is mine or if I believe in God.
I don't mean to ram my views on that into anyone's throat, and have never intended to. I have always thought this was one of the most silly things to do. But I thought since lots of people seem to be interested in this subjet, and I guess my views on that are not the typical ones, it may be interesting to share it with you.
I was raised by atheist parents, and I remember being given pretty young a ' little book of religions', I guess in order to educate myself with the main religions. I wasn't baptised, and even if my parents were atheists as I said, I was sent to a private and catholic middle school. As surprising as it may seem to lots of you, I have only good memories of this school. On every tuesday we would have a sort of small mass in the school's chapel during which we would sing, pray and think about love, charity, poverty, acceptance and so on. We also had once a week a class, to study the bible and discuss whatever we'd want to.
So even if I'm not a christian, I guess we could say I have a christian background, somehow.
I know that many people are completely anti religious, always&only critisizing religions, blaming them for ... well almost all the woes and ills of the world.
I absolutely disagree with that. Religions are good, humans are too stupid to understand them. I don't think the   Pope is anyone special to be listened to, nor do I think that you have to be baptised, or to wear a veil or a kippa. I don't believe in dogma or rituals. I believe in what I think is the real aim and message of God, that is to say Love&Respect Life. Life with a big L, not only humans, but animals, plants, the environment. Love every form of life and try to be as good as you can everyday.

The Fox sisters who started the whole interest around spirits.

Now for what I believe in. Something like 4years ago, I fell upon a book entitled The Spirits' Book.
This book was written by Allan Kardec, a french teacher, during the 19th Century.
This books belongs to the five books of the Spiritist Codification, which reported the conversation between mediums and spirits. I'm not here trying to debate either this is possible, true or whatever, but I just want to say that many people such as Conan Doyle, Victor Hugo, Alexandre Dumas or Theophile Gautier and many scientists.
The basics of this movment are a belief into existence of spirits and into the possibility of communication between them and mediums. Here I quote wikipédia : "Spiritism teaches reincarnation or rebirth into human life after death.According to the Spiritist doctrine, reincarnation explains the moral and intellectual differences among men. It also provides the path to man's moral and intellectual perfection by amending for his mistakes and increasing his knowledge in successive lives." 
& "Spiritism is not a religious sect but a philosophy or a way of life by which its followers live by. Its followers have no priests or ministers and do not follow any religious rituals in their meetings. They also do not call their places of meetings as churches, and instead call them by various names such as centers, society or association. Their activities consist mainly of studying the Spiritist doctrine, applying spiritual healing to the sick and organizing charitable missions."

There are 5 important points in spiritism :

-  There's one God, defined as "The Supreme Intelligence and Cause of everything."

- There are spirits, created ignorant and simple but who are given the chance to evolve&perfect themselves.

- They do so, through and thanks to reincarnation. Every life we go through is a chance for us, to become better and to learn from different situations.

- Spirits are a part of Nature, and therefore can communicate with us.

- The Earth isn't the only inhabited planet in the universe.

Léon Denis, a famous medium.

What is the most important whatsoever, is that true life is the spiritual life. Spirit is eternal, and the material world is only a place for this spirit to develop its potential. The life we have now, on earth is a short segment of the eternal spiritual life. Once we are higher spirits, we stop reincarnating and we just stay as spirits gazing at God's light. It is also accepted in spiritism, that we can reincarnate into different planets, different kinds of societies and worlds. 


Spiritism can be seen as a christian doctrine, for it is based on Jesus' teachings, who is seen as the greatest moral exemple for humankind. It belongs to everyone to see it as such or not.


To conclude, spiritism is about love and improving oneself. It is a very interesting doctrine and discovering it really changed my life. I would suggest everyone to read at least the Spirits' Book, it can only do some good.
I hope it answered everyone's questions, and if not, feel free to let a comment.
I'd love to know what are your views on religion and so on.


Click me 
Read me  (The Spirits' Book by Allan Kardec)


Love.
Emy.

I learned to live half alive.

Lately I've been so busy that I don't even find the time to make a video. Every morning is a rush, I barely wear make up anymore, don't do my hair at all and all I wear is sweater+shorts. Oh, I forgot the scarf, beanie and coat that I have to wear also everyday, because it's winter and it's cold. If you don't know, I HATE the cold more than anything else, and to be completely honest with you, looking through my window and realizing it's nighttime at 5pm, isn't that much my thing either.
Since my return to Paris, after my GacktTrip, I've been feeling quite low, insecure and pretty emotional.
Because I miss him, because I miss YFC and concerts, because I miss traveling.
But also because I came back to uni, after a year of ... just doing nothing, except sleeping, seeing my friends, modeling, doing videos and reading, writing. Last year wasn't an happy time, because I wasn't supposed not to go to school and I was feeling guilty for dropping out and not working or studying, but this year is hard as well.
I didn't think it'd be that hard to go back to school after just one year, but it really is. As weird as it may seem I fear school now. I just don't feel safe and comfortable around other students, I cannot seem to make friends with people, except for one or two. I feel so scared and anxious about talking in front of the class or being asked something by the teacher. After every oral class, I feel tired because my whole body was tense.
Added to that, I have homeworks to do. A lot. I chose to learn korean while learning japanese, and I don't know if this was a good idea. I cannot see improvements, I cannot have a conversation or think in korean at all. Or almost. Other pupils seem to be in the same state, but don't seem to worry that much about it though.
And studying korean that hard, prevents me from studying japanese so I'm not improving and my level is very average.
It may seem completely pretentious and childish, but I was never used to being an average student. I've always been the first, at least in french, english and philosophy, which were the most important subjets in my class. That, since primary school. I've always been a very good student, without even studying. And now I have to be okay with average marks and not so good tests. I was used to being the best at languages, even if my german wasn't that good. And now I'm not. At all. It's not a question of ego, but it's just hard when things that you've always known suddenly change. I miss litterature, english, philosophy classes. I miss those subjects I was good at without having to do any efforts.
I love japanese, but I just don't like not being very good at something. But halas, I don't like to study hard either. In fact, I don't even know how to do it.
So I've been thinking of stopping korean classes, and I don't know if I should do it or not. I just don't know if it's just me being lazy, and giving up; or if it's me taking an intelligent and logical decision so that I have all my time for japanese. Because I really have so few time, also due to the babysitting that I do monday,tuesday&thursday. I guess I need to really think about it, and make up my mind. I've been missing not a lot of classes, but more than other students, that I'm sure of. I've called my mum many times, about to cry between two classes because I felt bad and worried. I'm tired of school being such a burden and a difficult thing for me,when it used to be something funny&more than easy.
I just cannot get over this summer trip. and over what happened last year. I feel ugly, fat, useless and I hate that. I really do. My mum suggested I should see a doctor, or a psychologist, I think she may be in the right, however I just don't want to. The thing is I'm now so tired, and it's so insidious that I don't know how I'll cope with that if that whole thing doesn't stop.
I guess I'll let myself time, until the exams of January, and then we'll see.
I'm sorry this entry was such a depressing one, but I really felt the need to talk about it.
And I recently logged again in servimg.com and found so many old and nostalgic pictures of my friends and so on, I thought I'd share a little bit with you.