jeudi 13 décembre 2012

On being a girl.

Today I thought I would do a post about girls. Or more about what it is like being a girl. To me, of course, as I don't hold any universal truth. I can't cover what it is like being a girl completely obviously, but there are few things I've been thinking of lately, and my sister keeps telling me I'm a frustrated feminist( which I disagree with), and I thought it'd be interesting to know what are your thoughts on it guys :)

First of all, I love men. Don't get me wrong, I have nothing against males in general, I get on well with them if not better than with girls, I think they also have to cope with many unpleasant and troublesome things in life, BUT let's be honest, not as much as we, women, do.

As a girl( I'm still not comfortable with calling myself a woman, peterpan's syndrome you say?), I feel like I'm  going through abnormal things everyday. By that I mean things that shouldn't be accepted or seen as common, when it has sadly become the case.
The more our society becomes violent and unrespectful towards everyone, and therefore women, the more we push the limits of what is considered rude, violent or innapropriate.
When a guy goes out, what happens ? Pretty much nothing unusual.
When a girl does, however, it's a complete different story. Once again that can differ depending on where you live, but usually she'll be stared at, chatted up, maybe followed or even touched.
From the you're charming, you look ravishing, hey you're good loocking, to the famous what's your number? what's your name, where do you live, how old are you, and the can i take you back home? interested in having a little something with me? ... the possibilities are, halas, almost infinite.
You learn quickly that wearing lipstick will cause insiting looks in best cases, that skirts and heels are apparently like walking naked for some men, and that smiling to a stranger is an invitation to sex.
Words are fine, or are they really? They aren't fine if you think about it, it is not fine to have to deal with that when you did nothing to deserve it, or cause it. Words don't physically hurt, but they are tiring, they are harmful and you actually never know if this guy, this fishy disgusting idiot is only going to talk to you.
There was a time words like these were just out of question, and there are still countries in which that kind of behavior is probably surprising and uncredible. But it has now become normal, ok... Girls themselves, myself first sometimes, say it : " it's just words, no big deal!"
But the line of what is acceptable keep going further and further, and then what?
Touching your shoulder, kissing your hand or cheeks, touching your butt or just leaning onto you in the subway? Will that be fine one day?
Probably like most of girls living in big cities in the western world, I've encountered situations in which I felt annoyed, embarassed or scared. I've had boys putting their hands underneath my skirt, touching my arms or even waist, being rude to me once i asked them to leave me alone. I've heard pretty obscene words and sometimes I've felt really scared.
The only reason to that is my gender. I don't think boys can understand how infuriating it is to feel that weak and defenceless when you're confronted to someone that clearly lacks respect, intelligence and you just wish you could make them feel the way you feel when they treat you like a piece of meat.
Because that is exactly how I feel, and I guess most girls feel. The looks you feel can make your clothes disappear and the words can feel like daring hands.
I may be too sensitive, or my sister may be right, and I'm just a frustrated feminist that takes things too seriously, but I sometimes wish I were a boy, and I sometimes don't want to wear a dress or false eyelashes. And sometimes I get anxious when I'm out at night&alone in the subway.
The same thing happens on YouTube as well. Obscene, sexist, insulting comments aren't unusual.
The reason for it being you're a female, no matter what you do or say, there will always be people who think they have the right to look down on you, on your thoughts,feelings, ideas and opinions and will feel like they are in their right, when they ask you for sex or say something about your breast.
I don't get mad often, but that really pisses me off, and when I keep looking down hoping for that guy to stop  talking to me, or when I just pretend I didn't hear these boys I passed by whistling at me like you would at dogs, I feel this cold anger deep inside.
And I guess I just needed to write it down today, just because sometimes it's good to rant right?
Sorry for this boring, unpleasant and pictureless post.  I just needed to get that out, and next post will be much more entertaining, I promise!


8 commentaires:

  1. Don't wish to be a boy. In what you said, there's also the other side.
    Being a guy is somehow hard, because if you politely try to date a girl you really like (and not only physically), you might be refused because of the "reputation" we have ... it already happened to me, many times. If we start to know a girl on the internet, the girl will always think first "Is he a man who want me only for sex ?", so it's not always easy.
    Plus, in your childhood, or even now, you're supposed to incarnate the strenght, the power, and so, everything will be more "violent", like exchanges with a guy who won't like you in the street, he can like steal all your stuff, punch you & kick you only because he's enjoying it. When you see such stuff happening, it's mainly happening to guys ... so feeling unsecure is for both sex unfortunatly ... the world is roten from the inside ^^'

    So yeah, I can't blame you for thinking that ... because I also wish to be a girl ! xD

    PS : Stay strong ! <3

  2. You are right in your words, I'm in paris too and I can feel this in the subway or in the street, I have to tell that I feel so anxious sometimes that I don't want to go out. Did you saw the post of Jack on Madmoizelle ? She was hurt by a guy in the street at night... It's really frightening to be a girl in this mad world, I can't even think of going out alone without being stressed (so I don't go out really often ^^).
    It's a really good article ! <3

  3. Wow. Reading all of that made me ashamed to be a guy a little bit. Please don't think we are all like that these are just a few extreme situations. Why do I think this happens to women so much? I really think mass consumption of internet pornography and mainstream media are the biggest reasons why this happens. It contributes to the sentiment that women are just sexual bodies instead of being mothers, daughters, sisters, wives etc. Sorry for generalizing but French men are known for being more aggressive towards women maybe you should move to a country where men are more laid-back?

    Trust me, there ARE gentlemen out there. Unfortunately it is just harder to find them these days.

  4. First of all, i am not a fan of you, its the first time i get into your blog and it was a nice youtuber coincidence.
    Second, dont apologize about the post! sincere blogposts are weird these day and im really impressed about the way you write, more emotional than other blogs, you really just got it out of your mind and that per se it's enough to get my attention (and looks like also to write a comment)

    I'been living in France for 5 months, and i really noticed something AMAZING.... the french guys lack or confidence, or they are really frustrated...rarely something between....and it brakes my heart because i've met some of these guys and they are really nice, cool people! they just dont know what to do and they enter in a viciouse circle of "sexual harrasement" towards women.

    I'm not gonna agree with the two guys above, because i'm proud o beeing a man and i dont think it's hard (i really LOVE it!) but i will say that we live in a world full of boys...and the mayority of those boys dont know how to grow up and become a man...

    As i read once, "a man just know that he has changed, when he sees his different self, in the mirror of some woman's eyes"

    PS France rules, i really want to stay longer ;)

    1. Well thank you for your nice comment.
      It was an interesting one. I do agree with you. I think it's nice to be a man and not THAT hard. I also belive that there are MANY boys on earth but so FEW men. I've always thought this way. It's kind of a shame really.
      And on an happier note I'm glad you like France :)

  5. Well, as always, everything has is its up sides and downs.
    Here in Brazil for example, judging by your text, you really don't want to come here.

    The culture is pretty machist yet, a man who doesn't look at a woman ass it's automatically "strange" or judged, because "what is life besides sex, huh?"

    Yeah, people are empty like that unfortunately. I don't want to sound too dramatic, but ignorance is free and easy. I myself admire the woman mind and I try to understand every glimpsy that I can, like I just did reading your publication. Yet, with all my experience and smartness, that doesn't mean that I'd be a nice person to meet.

    It's hard to cast aside ours preconceptions. Usually people just want to be friends with other people to cover their holes (please, don't stop reading here) and with all the details of one personality we never know what should be done. If a girl finds me interesting, but I don't answer her "smiles", because I think she is like you for example or I simply don't feel like it, there are plenty of girls who would think me as a dick or something like that, but if the contrary happens and I go for a girl's smile and she really was just being nice and polite I'd be in a bad position as well.

    So we have two problems: in the case of the woman, the feeling of (not necessarily) being weak and victimized by men conduct and men living in their "strong" where you must be the prominent otherwise you are crap and will be treated like that. You can't really try to measure that.

    So I guess all we can do is try to be the most openminded and comprehensive, because really there's not much more we can do, I guess.

    Merci beaucoup pour partager vos pensées, à travers de vos vidéos et textes, vous semblez une personne très sympathique et pardon par ma arrogance.

  6. I admire your softness. Just watched your video on being a vegetarian; your principles speak volumes. This is also reflected in your other videos. This softness is noticeable, because life for many people is hard.

    You also did a video called "The world needs more love" or something similar. I'm going to disagree: the world needs more compassion. Because the way people are, what they do to others - it's not so easy to say, "he's a bad man" or "what a jerk". Very often those people are simply echoes of the actions brought against them by others. Sometimes these people went through a formative period in an environment that was destructive. Of course, when I use "actions" and "destructive" it could mean different things; one boy that gets a slap on the wrist might experience it the same as a boy who gets a fist through the face. And vice versa.

    The same applies to women. People are different - incredibly unique. Yet we try to apply one rule for all of them - whether it's the law, or the unspoken rules of society.

    Finally, I think most of the unpleasantness you're experiencing is simply because men don't understand women. What we (people in general) don't understand, scares us. Yet we're very aware of the power you (women) can so easily have over us (men).

    Keep well. Stay safe.


  7. Don't wish you were a boy...also this is not boring and unplesant...this is straight from the heart and I am impressed.

    There are a lot of boys in the street who really need to grow up. It is sad where we have a society who always blames the girl for whatever befalls her in the hands of these boys.

    It is sad to be defenceless and scared to take the subway alone at night or have boys touch you just because they think they can... I just wish these boys could understand us and know what they do is wrong.